Foolish Hearts
William called this evening. Finished the job in Idaho and headed to another in Washington. Doesn’t know when he’ll get back to South Texas, but hey, I’m not getting serious about this or anything am I? Because I really need to just go on and live my life, there’s no future in him. Really. He needs me to know that.
He broke my heart at 16. You’d think I’d be used to it by now.
But somehow it still hurts.
He broke my heart at 16. You’d think I’d be used to it by now.
But somehow it still hurts.
posted by Cala Lily at Monday, June 05, 2006
10 Comments:
Just a "filtering" question - did he say he wasn't coming because it wasn't important to him - or did he say he wasn't coming because he was slammed at work? Kind of a big difference. And he does get credit for telling you the plan instead of making you guess.
Keep living day to day - if he comes, great, if not, maybe there will be someone else - you just never know.
Good question Loner. He is not coming because he is swamped with work. And I do mean swamped. He has allowed work to become his life and expects it to remain so for the next three years or so.
My sadness is born of the simple sentence, "There is no future in me." For I had allowed myself to entertain notions that there were.
And your quite right. Each day as it comes. Today is not so different as yesterday, except that I am disillusioned a bit. And that is rather a good thing - being disillusioned. It means I am more in touch with reality.
"There is no future in me."
My Inner Nihilist thinks this would make an excellent epitath.
I know that sadness and I fear it, but I also enjoy 'notions'. It's tricky.
Someone once told me that the past is gone, the future uncertain, and the present is infinite...do you believe that? I find that I have to, although wanting usually does not coincide.
Sigh... you never get used to it...
If you're lucky, that doesn't stop you...
The only thing consistent about your story about William is that each time you write, "And that's how it ended." You follow it with "Except it didn't end."
If it didn't have the potential to hurt so much, we wouldn't do it in the first place. But, oh, that aching, that thinking, that longing, that pain. It's a bastard and no mistake.
Just came across your blog, attracted to your great title and loved your beautiful writing.
ECM,
How kind! Thank you!
- Lily
u know..i stoped to talk abt me for sometime in my blog..more deepier i go more things i find..
but i cant avoid it sometimes..
now im just writing abt general things..im feeling like a portuguese writter said in one of his poems "my heart is a lamp what is turned off but is still warm" (fernando pessoa)
all happiness for u lily!
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